I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
