Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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