i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
