My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
