that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
