I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
