too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
