i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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