mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
