..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
