im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
