sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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