I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You don't make any sense
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