Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dear god my vagina.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
