i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
