I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
