the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
