Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
