I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
