i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
