"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
