im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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