What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
