its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
