so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
