So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
