Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
