im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This baby is an asshole
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
