Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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