I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
