I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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