Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
