Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
