how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Randomize
