i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
