Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
