Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
