umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
