So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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