More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
