I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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