Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
