Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
