A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
