I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
