she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize