if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
