I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
