I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
