i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
