i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
