Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
