I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
