You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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