So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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