I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The adults are the big ones right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
