i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize