It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize