After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
