I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
