I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
