I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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