He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
