i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
