Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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