3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
