You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
