whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
