Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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