Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
