Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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